My summer girls
On quitting and ownership and ...ovulation?
Last week, Lorde put out a track called “Hammer.” It’s a good song, but she nearly lost me with the opening lines: “There's a heat in the pavement, my mercury's raising / Don't know if it's love or if it's ovulation.”
If you’re a woman in her 20s on TikTok, chances are you’ve seen content from other young women analyzing their menstrual cycles, some accurately and informatively, some not so much.
This topic reached the group chat. “Aside from the weird biology discourse about it, people talking about getting horny while ovulating is becoming the new ‘hot girls have tummy issues’ for me,” FONC Lydia texted. “I think women are just still uncomfortable talking about being horny and need to make it sound like there’s some crazy biological force happening and it’s just a temporary deviation.” And FONC Lydia is right!
I’m writing generally here—and quoting Lydia, an actual sex writer/editor—because most of my family reads this newsletter (lol). Every body is different, and plenty of people’s sex drives are surely impacted by what point they’re at in their cycles. I don’t need to explain that you! But this conversation brings up something I’ve spent the last week thinking a lot about: ownership. Ownership over your body, ownership over your feelings, ownership over the way your body feels. And that’s because I’ve been listening to Haim’s new album, “I quit.”
Perhaps my takeaway that “I quit” is about ownership is a bit ironic. “I quit” is a breakup album full of songs about things the Haim sisters are quitting: relationships, habits, rules for how a woman in her mid 30s should behave. Isn’t quitting often defined by abandoning ownership? On “The farm,” the trio even compares ending a relationship to selling land: “You can keep the farm / Just buy me out.” But for Haim, quitting equals a new commitment to owning one’s freedom. “I can't wait anymore for you to set me free / Yeah, it isn't yours to give, it has to come from me,” Danielle Haim sings on the closing track, “Now it’s time.”
Many of the “I quit” tracks cover ownership over decisions. “Everybody's got a bed they're sleeping in / And I know that I've made mine,” Danielle sings on “Everybody’s trying to figure me out.” As that title suggests, talking to acquaintances about a pending breakup can make a woman feel like she’s on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Were my expectations too high? Was that the best I was ever gonna get? Owning your decisions means not caring if the answer is yes or no. “Down to be wrong, don’t need to be right,” Danielle sings, rendering a Bob Dylan-esque drawl when she adds, “I didn't think it would be so easy 'til I left it behind.” It’s not even about knowing that you made the “right” decision. It’s about unconditionally owning a decision in the first place.
What does this have to do with Lorde’s ovulation? Listen to “All over me.” It’s a song about shamelessly, eagerly, wholeheartedly, wanting someone in the physical sense. Basically, the narrator wants sex, and that’s all. Like, don’t even think about getting cute. “Your bed or my floor, but don't tell me that you're in love.” Here we have a booty call, and this woman is calling the shots. “I know it's not quite what you want / Being on call for me, waiting up for me, but when I want you, I want you all over me.” Has Danielle Haim specified that she’s ovulating here? Is she blaming any biological force for how she feels? NO! She’s owning her sexuality, her curiosity, and, yes, her horniness. The time of the month is irrelevant.
For me, Haim owns summer. They’re a summer band. “Women in Music Part III” soundtracked my pandemic summer. No summer playlist of mine is complete without “Summer Girl.” So for me, it’s going to be a Haim summer, an “I quit” summer, an “All over me” summer.
I’m already inspired. For example, a few weeks ago, I was walking around with someone I was seeing—no I will not be more specific—who suggested we hit up a popular bar on my block. I thought of every excuse I could to not go: It’s crowded! It’s hot! The truth was, I was nervous that another guy I’m interested in who also lives in the area would be there. It’s not that I didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward or jealous…I just wanted to keep my options open. After all, it is summer and, at 28, I am a girl.
I haven’t thought about this predicament in a few weeks now, but “All over me” reminded me how I should handle it next time. “You know I've always had a wild heart, and that won't ever change / So when you see me out with someone else I will not be ashamed…to want you all over me.”
Thank you, summer girls!
💌 LOVE NOTES 💌
Quick beats from the week:
Last Friday, after traveling for 9 days, I flew home from London, got home at about 5:30 pm, and made it to the Blondshell show at Brooklyn Steel by 8. And that’s because she’s one of my favorite artists of the moment! Sabrina manages to put on an amazing show without ever sacrificing her chill factor. This was the fourth time I’ve seen her—each time she’s worn jeans and a t-shirt on stage, always putting her hair up around the third song, always giving the energy that she’s performing in a friend’s basement even in front of a sold out crowd. Also, she performed her cover of “Diet Pepsi,” which rocks.
A Seventeen X Sacai Labubu Wearing Carhartt WIP Sold For $31,250 On Pharrell’s Joopiter. A Victorian child would explode upon reading this headline.
The Sabrina Carpenter album cover controversy was all too familiar to Carly Simon. The “You’re So Vain” singer faced similar heat for the cover of her 1975 album, “Playing Possum.” “She’s not doing anything outrageous,” Simon told Rolling Stone. “It seems tame. There have been far flashier covers than hers. One of the most startling covers I’ve ever seen was [The Rolling Stones’] Sticky Fingers. That was out there in terms of sexual attitude. So I don’t know why she’s getting such flak.” I think we know why!
Brandy and Monica announced a co-headlining tour. The tour is mine.
Emilia Petrarca started a column for her shopping newsletter Shop Rat all about store playlists. The first one came from the Lower East Side’s part store, part coffee shop Colbo. I love this idea and can’t wait to read more!
A new slate of album release announcements came from Daffo (who opened for Blondshell last week!), The Beths, Mac DeMarco, Paramore’s Zac Farro, Amaarae and Cardi B (her first in 7 years!)
A really important Barbra Streisand quote came out this week. Evan Ross Katz said it belongs in the quote pantheon, along with the famous musings of Kim Cattrall (“I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself”) or Whoopi Goldberg (“I don’t want somebody in my house”).
🚨 VIBE CHECK 🚨
What the people are actually listening to:
While I was out last week, Sabrina Carpenter’s “Manchild” debuted at No. 1. Yay! Then I came back and Alex Warren’s “Ordinary” returned to No. 1. Boo.
😘 FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE 😘
If you can only listen to one new album this weekend, you should check out:
“Virgin” by Lorde
As of writing this, I haven’t heard this album in full yet, but it is very likely that I’ll have thoughts next week. Stay tuned.
More crushable albums out tomorrow:
The Secret of Life: Partners, Volume 2 by Barbra Streisand
Tracks II: The Lost Albums by Bruce Springsteen
Different Talking by Frankie Cosmos
Vanity by Isabella Lovestory
There are only two things you actually need to know about me. My name is Natalia and my favorite podcast is Las Culturistas. They end every episode with a song. I end every newsletter with a song.
**** FONC = Friend Of New Crush ****
love your work always <3