How do I do this?
I'm like most girls! Plus: Goodbye to "Die With a Smile."
The next two or three newsletters will be short or late or short and late because I’m moving a week from tomorrow and it occupies 93% of my brain right now. But I’m still here to perform this public service for you, don’t worry.
On Tuesday I went to Newark to dance with girls wearing plastic sequined cowboy hats that were definitely made in China and will cost $100 next month. This is the story of what brought me there.
It was late fall 2023. I had just said yes to my first date since I ended an almost 4-year relationship, and the guy ghosted me before we even made a plan. I wasn’t so much upset by him—we’d met at a bar the night before—but more upset with where I found myself. Was this my new life?
The experience left me doomscrolling on tiktok, obviously. And some algorithmic miracle served me a live video from Kelsea Ballerini at her native Knoxville’s Thompson-Boling Arena. Before performing, she showed a video she sent to a friend before a first date. She’s taking deep breaths in front of the mirror. “I can do this. I can do this. It’s just a date. You just eat the food and talk about things that you do.” Then the video cuts to the stage, as she performs “How Do I Do This?”
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For some background: Kelsea got divorced from singer-songwriter Morgan Evans in 2022 when she was about 28. In this song, she’s talking about her return to dating. Luckily I have not been divorced, butI audibly gasped when she sang “I haven’t been on a date since I was 22.” That was me!
“How Do I Do This?” is that pre-date video in song form. He said he’s picking her up at 7. It’s 6:52. “I know who I am, but what the fuck do I do?” As she waits for her date to pull up, she asks herself all the questions I was scared to even consider. How do I do this? She articulated every fear of mine, trying to remember how to have a conversation and wondering if she really is as self-assured as she thinks she is. “I’m scared of looking stupid. I said I’m ready now I gotta prove it,” she sings in the chorus. “I think it’s probably time to keep it moving. I talk a big game that I’m scared of losing.”
I must have watched this tiktok 100 times. I listened to nothing but the song for days. I went on a deep dive into her divorce album, “Rolling Up the Welcome Mat,” and my Kelsea obsession was born.
On Tuesday night, FONC (Friend Of New Crush) Hannah and I saw Kelsea at the Prudential Center. That’s right, we trekked to Newark for this blonde Southern woman.
When I checked the setlist beforehand, I learned that Kelsea closes her set with “How Do I Do This?” A concert’s closing song is often the artist’s most popular. This track was never even a single! I texted Hannah, “Does that mean everyone else loves it and I’ve never had an original experience?“ She replied, “honestly...maybe that’s the whole point.”
If most Kelsea fans love “How Do I Do This,” then I guess I’m like most Kelsea fans. Yes, even the ones in sparkly cowboy boots. And if most girls are scrolling through TikTok to find songs–turned–instruction manuals for handling breakups, dating, love, etc., then I guess I’m like most girls.
The legendary, multitalented Hailee Steinfeld said it best:
Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful
Most girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable
Most girls, our fight to make every day
No two are the same
I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls
❤️ LOVE NOTES ❤️
Quick beats from the week:
I devoured the SNL 50 special, concert and music documentary last weekend. My personal musical highlights: Cher! Lauryn Hill! Post Malone and Nirvana! David Byrne and Robyn!
Chappell Roan is finally releasing “The Giver.” Kind of?
Grimes co-wrote an Atlantic article on L.A.’s housing crisis.
Bon Iver has a new song and John Wilson made the video
A lot of new songs came out this week by Blondshell, Jensen McRae, Samia and Japanese Breakfast.
Haim #4 is coming based on the sisters’ very active Instagram accounts. Also, Este Haim is engaged and Danielle Haim is definitely definitely not with producer Ariel Rechtshaid anymore.
🚨 VIBE CHECK 🚨
What the people are actually listening to:
The Super Bowl inspired so many people to listen to Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” that it returned to No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. Byeee “Die With a Smile”!! Counting that, he has five songs in the top 10. As of this week, he is also the first rapper to have at least three albums in the top 10 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. (“GNX” is No. 1, “DAMN.” is No. 9 and “good kid, m.A.A.d city” is No. 10.)
“Born Again” by Lisa feat. Doja Cat and Raye debuted at No. 68. I’ll be shocked if it doesn’t move up next week—it’s addicting, you guys.
💋 HOT DATES 💋
Lauren Mayberry at Webster Hall, Feb. 13
I spent Galentines day with the CHVRCHES frontwoman Lauren Mayberry, who’s touring her solo project. She was dressed like the 💃 emoji. I wonder if she experiences whiplash from playing huge rooms with a band to not quite filling spaces with much lower capacities for her solo show. She still gave enough energy and charisma to fill an arena if she had to.
Kelsea Ballerini at Prudential Center, Feb. 18
You already know how I feel. But there were also pyrotechnics and about 4 outfit changes (There was a removal of a skirt and an addition of a coat, so it’s hard to fully keep track.)
Bartees Strange at Bowery Ballroom, Feb. 19
I spoke about my love of Bartees and his new album “Horror” last week. This was my 4th time seeing him, and he’s had the same band members performing with him each time. Bartees has experimented with genres throughout the years. At the show, he admitted to reading comments on his posts from time to time, calling out someone who asked, “Where are his rock songs?” “I’ve got a fucking rock song,” he said that night onstage, proceeding to absolutely shred through his song “Mustang” (a personal fave) as if we were at a hardcore show.
😘 Friday I’m in Love 😘
TODAY’s notable album releases: (very brief because the newsletter is already late oops sorry!!!)
“Someone Should Stop Her” by Anna Shoemaker
One of my biggest 2025 obsessions so far. “Back Again” is my favorite, but “Close to the Sun” has my favorite opening line: “They lie about the noise in New York, it’s so quiet here.”
“People Watching” by Sam Fender
What can I say, I love a British boy with a dark past.
“The Machine Starts To Sing” by Porridge Radio
Their last album ever :(
“Rarely Do I Dream” by Youth Lagoon
If you’re feeling nostalgic, this one’s for you—basically a concept album built around the home videos of Trevor Powers, the voice and producer behind Youth Lagoon.
There are only two things you actually need to know about me. My name is Natalia and my favorite podcast is Las Culturistas. They end every episode with a song. I end every newsletter with a song.
If you tell me I’m not like most girls, we’re done!
genuinely enjoyed reading and also loved most girls. what a throwback song 😭